It's ATM time ... yet again again again

Was it just me, or did anyone else this year find the Arabian Travel Market somewhat of a let down? The eight halls had a somewhat lackadaisical air of depression hanging over them and if ever there was a measure of optimism at an ATM show, surely the lack of giveaways this year gave the game away.

Sure you could pick up pens and chocolates, and pens, and, errr, chocolates, but no USB sticks whatsoever (is this a first, I ask myself) – no, not even shaped like a rubber map of Bahrain (see last year’s blog entry) – nor anything more exciting than a mouse mat from Hong Kong or a polo shirt from Sharjah. Oh ok, I admit it. I did get a keyring from Interlaken to add to my keyring collection.

The press room, too, looked an apology. No piles of press releases to tempt the scribblers with exciting stories to cover; but instead a never ending supply of Danish pastries to keep the stomachs from complaining. (Just how many Danish Ps can one eat in a day, I asked myself?)

The only real bit of excitement was when a German media hound turned away from the coffee table as a Lebanese hack pushed her way forward with the inevitable result of coffee stained skirt and trousers and a flurry of colourful language from the mutually non-comprehending natives.

Down on the exhibition floor, it was a case of searching hard for what took your interest. Yemen Tourism Promotion Board? No problem, according to the catalogue. Stand ME2490 in Hall 3. Unfortunately there is no stand ME2490. Never mind. How’s about a nice holiday in Chad? Stand AF350. I rush along in anticipation to see if I can put my name down for a journo fam trip. Hmmm. I have heard of being transparent in your dealings with the press, but isn’t this just a bit too transparent?

Maybe Tunisia will be more interesting? Well, it might have been if anyone were actually manning the stand…

But Iraq was still struggling to put on a brave face. They were delighted to have a visitor to their stand and I couldn’t get away for what felt like hours. You want to make a journalist trip to Iraq?  Of course we can accommodate you. Just tell us when you will fly over, where you will stay etc etc and we will be happy to help you. Hmmm… I’m afraid cheapo Brian was expecting something a little more from a Press trip guys….

Traditions still held up from last year, of course; but in a case of hunt-the-most-embarrassing typo the best I could come up with was a stand from Norway – or ‘Norwegan’ as it read.

And true to tradition, for the second year running, title for the most embarrassing costume had to go to the Dubai Shopping Festival…

…with Sharjah coming in a close second.

There were of course a plethora of eye catching costumes to, errr, catch the eye. As always Asia came up trumps with a Thai girl strumming some instrument

While the Malaysian stand spared no expense in bringing out their finery

Though this year, pride of place had to go to the Azerbaijanis

The Filipinos once again decided to promote their country with a relaxing massage centre on their stand. ‘Tips are welcome’ they hopefully suggested.

Well for what it is worth, here’s a tip: suggest to your masseuses that they get an early night tonight so they don’t spend the entire time yawning in front of their customers.

This year, too, there were a number of press  conferences being held, though much fewer than last year. As expected, Qatar Airways failed to disappoint. Well, nearly…. Because the exhibition’s opening ceremony, which included the red ribbon cutting, was unavoidably delayed, as the guest of honour apparently failed to make it out of bed, Qatar’s CEO, the irrepressible Akbar Al Baker, arrived at his press conference 22 minutes late. Just as last year, this seasoned pro soon had the assembled hacks eating out of his hand as he fed them one statistic after another, playfully putting down a Reuters scribbler who wanted to know more than he was willing to give away. Last year Qatar Airways introduced 15 new routes; this year it will be 14. There’s a new plane delivery on average every 18 days!

I remember at last year’s ATM, when QR was introducing its Buenos Aires route, it staged a mini floor show of a couple dancing the tango. This year, the Argentine stand also trotted out a couple of tango dancers who showed off their moves in the so-called Culture Zone.

There was no doubt about it – they were stunning dancers, and it was sad that the gawping Indians, of whom there were many present, seemed intent on getting their kicks from seeing flashes of the girl’s black knickers rather than from the amazing dance routines the couple trotted out. Certainly every time she raised a leg, their flash guns would explode in unison.

And finally, it just had to be the Australians, didn’t it, whose humour was verging on cruelty. As one passed their stand, it was impossible not to do a double take – and see this pathetic kangaroo strung up as if on a gibbet. I mean, how sad was that! Someone should have reported them to the animal rights activists who, I am sure, would have sorted the ozzies out. And doubled the number of visitors to their stand at the same time!

Emirates Airline - now I am beginning to understand why they are so expensive

I must be truly grateful to my dear friend Sushmita. Whenever she is able, she flies on Emirates Airline, paying through the nose for the privilege of flying with this second rate airline. She appears to love the experience, appears to love passing through the long retail corridor known as Dubai Terminal 3, and even upgrades to Biz Class when she wants to pamper herself… just a little more than normal.

I, on the other hand, am (normally) a die-hard Qatar Airways aficionado. I can’t stand the Emirates experience and cannot understand why anyone would pay well over the odds for second-rate service. (Example: Typical Dubai to Hong Kong return with Qatar = 2900Dhs; with Emirates = 4200Dhs.)

So it was so good this evening to know that Sush’s hard earned money was being put to good use: in this instance pampering my taste buds and filling my stomach with prandial fare from around the world.

On the evening before Arabian Travel Market kicked off, Emirates Holidays decided to have a shindig to which were invited.. what… nearly 1,000 people? I duly picked up Sush at the appointed hour and chauffeured her in the style to which she has become accustomed to the Asateer – that flagship offering at the outrageous Atlantis Hotel, a specially constructed tent that is normally put up for Ramadan iftars, but for which the Atlantis is obviously hoping to get its money’s worth by using it at other times of the year to pour alcoholic beverages down the throats of its partying guests.

No one appeared to worry for one moment who we were. There were no written invitations; no one wanted to know who we were, why we were there or what connection – if any – we had with Emirates. It was one of those grand receptions where no one really knows who is receiving whom. But no worries. Tray-loads of red (Chilean) beverage, white (Chilean) beverage, brewed beverage, distilled beverage and – yes, I’m sure I spotted some – zero-percent beverage were thrust under our noses as we wandered into the grand marquee which had ice sculptures liberally scattered around the place with large fans directing some of the chilled air conditioning in their direction to slow down their inevitable self destruction.

The place was filled with tables stretching to the horizon, each place setting boasting not one, not two, not three, but four glasses together with what must have been equivalent to Sheffield’s annual output of cutlery.

Of course, we all know there is no such thing as a free meal… and in this case we had to sit through an entire 10-minutes’ worth of prizes being handed out to Emirates’ sales reps and other notable worthies in the Emirates empire. First prize was an all expenses trip to Hong Kong to stay for three nights at the Island Shangri-La Hotel. Sush and I exchanged glances. How much better it would have been if they had sent them to the better Shangri-La on the other side of the harbour in Kowloon, (where, incidentally, Sush and I had first got to know one another on a press trip all those eons ago.)

The prize giving firmly out of the way, it was time for the real reason people had turned up – to stuff themselves as fully as possible thanks to the ill-gotten profits made possible by such hapless regular flyers as Sushmita.

We were told there was food from all corners of the globe, representing the myriad of locations served by Emirates. And as promotional videos showed off tempting holiday locations from the Emirates catalogue of far-flung places, we gorged on lobsters and steak and lamb and fish and loads of I-have-no-idea-what-on-earth-that-is-but-hey-I’ll-try-some-anyway-morsels. There was even a strawberry tree boasting gob-stopper sized strawberries from which one could help oneself;

or a marshmallow tree; or a meringue tree and sweets of every description. 

Being one to push his luck, I asked one of the poor waitresses, who looked like her feet could have benefited enormously from some TLC, whether we were able to get a cup of coffee to wash it all down. An embarrassed look – but only for a couple of seconds until she composed herself. I’m sure her training taught her that the customer must always be pampered and if he wants a cup of coffee, then she will find a way. She did find a way. About ten minutes later she reappeared with two cups of very tepid Nescafe (Had she had to go all the way over to the main part of the hotel for us? We would never know); so I thanked her with my devastating smile that has cheered up so many hapless waitresses over the years.

The ‘cabaret’ for the night (for want of a better word) was a band called Vibrancy which we were told was Dubai’s favourite band from the Jam Base Bar in Souk Madinat Jumeirah. (Did Jam Base have any other bands, I wondered?)

But the excitement was too much for Sushmita and me. We decided to let the young socialites trip the night away as we slipped out into the hot night air (my glasses immediately steaming up, necessitating a quick wipe over with my hankie)  and waited a mere four minutes as the valet parking attendant went to retrieve the car from 100 metres away.

As a marketing exercise, I’m not sure Emirates got value for money. But I’m sure the Atlantis’ bean counters will have been very happy from the evening. They, and a thousand stomachs of course.

ATM Time Again

I love this time of year. Well, I do ever since I have been living in this part of the world. The daytime temperatures are warm, but not too hot; the sea is pleasant to swim in; and once again it is time for Arabian Travel Market to hit town.

This is the third year I have worked at the show which attracts exhibitors from all corners of the globe, all anxious to entice the locals - who have far too much time and money in their possession - to part with at least one of these commodities. And just like the marketing puff that they (we) put out year after year after year, you always wonder how they can improve on last year’s show.

On the first day, hardly have I set foot through the door of ATM hall 4 (there are 8 halls altogether) than a lady comes running toward me from the TTN-ME stand waving a copy of their latest edition. Read this! Read this! she says, thrusting it under my nose. It’s such a good read. You’ll love it! And which article did you enjoy most, I ask, in mock 'innocence'. Errrr… it’s a good read. You’ll enjoy it, really you will, she blusters. I don’t labour the point as I raise my eyes to see the sign over the TTN stand. Oh dear oh dear. On reflection I think I might well indeed enjoy their magazine, but not for the reasons she hopes for.

There is so much razzmatazz here from every corner of the globe at ATM; some bring in the professional glitz and glamour to get their serious marketing messages across; others attempt a cut price job and wonder why they are taken less seriously.

On Day One I go to a press conference of Afghanistan’s Safi Airways who are keen to show off the new colours that they have daubed all over their aircraft. As the German CEO drones on about how “excited” he is that their predominantly blue logo is now a different shade of blue, a three minute video plays in the background. Three members of the Afghan National Cricket squad are sitting on plastic camper chairs on a cricket pitch, pretending to be in an airplane. Romina and Najia – two bruisers from Safi cabin crew’s all women’s wrestling team serve their pretend-passengers with bottles of water. “When I was in the refugee camp, my dream was always to fly in a plane. Never did I think that one day I would actually do so,” explains the team captain in near-perfect English subtitles. Right..... ‘nough said….

As always, many of the exhibitors are in competition with one another to see who can field the sexiest, most vibrant dolly birds and draw visitors to their stand. It's neck and neck between Sri Lanka and the Philippines, but the former wins on sheer determination as they prance out to the sound of beating drums at the slightest provocation.

Other exhibitors choose to attract interest by dressing up in the most cringe-making costumes. Dubai Shopping Festival are the clear winners here, with one of the Incredible India representatives coming a close second.

Of course, with the large number of press conferences being held over the week, there is competition aplenty to attract the journalists. Give-aways are common at news conferences, but this year the gifts are somewhat down market from what have been handed out as sweeteners in previous years. (“We never attempt to bribe journalists with our gifts,” I am told by one exhibitor. “We simply show them our appreciation before they write about us.” I can’t help but remember that even 40 years ago, the practice of accepting even the tackiest of freebies could almost be guaranteed to have got one fired from the BBC.)

Qatar Airways gives away a mobile computer case (alas, minus computer) at their conference. And to bring in the punters from the press office they also have an Argentinean-looking couple with oil-slicked hair dancing a tango – not once, but over and over until it is time for the CEO to step in and announce one of their new routes will be to Buenos Aires. A journo beside me reckons the oily duo would certainly be good enough to try their hand in the prelims of So you think you can dance?

The classiest gifts have to be from the Yemen tourism board who hand out not one, but two glossy coffee table books about their country.

Of course, there are giveaways aplenty being handed out on the exhibition floor as well: fridge magnets from Macao; pencils with plastic fish stuck on their ends from the Maldives; a plethora of baseball caps from the likes of Sharjah;

a picture puzzle from Turkey;

a teddy-bear pin badge from Berlin; a little rubber aircraft from Kam Air of Afghanistan (which pulls apart to reveal a USB flash memory stick); and of course loads of coffee mugs, pens, T-shirts and other paraphernalia too numerous to mention here.

From one of the European stands (though for the life of me I cannot remember which one) I pick up a Focus Sniff Box. A what??? According to the instructions, you open the lid, take a few breaths and receive aromatherapy benefits. Promote clarity of thought and awaken your senses, it says. I sniff. Once. A mix of bergamot, lemon and cinnamon (it says). I close the lid. Senses awakened. Clarity of thought … where’s the nearest waste bin?

Tackiest giveaway has to be the rubber map of Bahrain which also opens up to reveal a memory stick.

At one end beyond Asia is a culture zone to get the visitors “in the mood” and which features performances of national dance and music. Highly entertaining stuff with (more) dolly birds strutting their stuff in national costumes, and the occasional musician strumming away to a filmed backdrop. Thus is the Bahraini entry – two very lonesome musicians that no-one wants to listen to.

I take a picture of the empty chairs in front of said musicians and immediately am accosted by a Bahrain PR girl shoving one of her rubber maps at me, so glad is she that anyone should dare show their face here. I tell her I will always treasure her gift; but somehow I don’t think the concept of sarcasm has been fully grasped in this miniature state.

Of course, when talking about this year’s ATM, one shouldn’t forget the series of seminars tackling many of today’s pressing tourist-related issues. This year the amount of seminars has been massively increased in order that everyone should be able to come away older and wiser from the event.

I learn from one seminar that low cost airlines (LCCs in the jargon) attract the lower fare paying passengers in the market; from another that sports tourism is high on the agenda of many national tourism boards’ plans; and from yet another that, given the choice, not everyone prefers to pay through the nose for 5-star hotels. Unfortunately the seminar on HR within the tourism industry is cancelled for lack of interest. A shame. I wanted to time how long it woud take for someone to tell us that a company's most valued asset is its people.

I may well leave ATM with aching feet, but by golly I am certainly feeling a whole lot older ... and perhaps just a little bit wiser.