The Arrogance of Serenata Flowers

It never fails to amaze me sometimes how some firms ever manage to stay in business. I’m not talking about problems with cash flow, which affects all businesses at one time or another. No. I’m talking about the cavalier way in which they treat their customers, expecting them to return to use their abysmal services, as if they have a god-given right to assume that their business will carry on regardless of how bad the service is that that they offer.

 

A classic case in point is Serenata Flowers - http://www.serenataflowers.com – whose corporate arrogance beggars belief.

 

 

Serenata Flowers is a sister site of Serenata Wines, Serenata Chocolates, Serenata Hampers and Serenata Plants.

 

 

Their web site sounds enticing (even if their grammar is appalling!): “London florist Serenata Flowers delivers beautiful fresh flowers in the UK. As an independent florist, we cut out middlemen and offers cheaper flowers by buying flowers direct from the best growers and flower auctions around the world. Our flowers are fresher that what you will find in traditional flower shops in the UK, since we buy flowers internationally delivered to the UK and shipped out via our Free flower delivery service the same day.” (sic)

 

As an afterthought, it adds “For last minute flower deliveries we have partnered with local florists throughtout England, Scotland and Wales to offer same-day flower delivery” (sic)

 

On the web site it also lets you know that Orders placed within a certain time frame will be accepted for the following day…

 

… while they also give a “guarantee” that they will deliver on time, every time

 

 

As I wanted to send some flowers to someone with a 60th birthday in two days time I decided to try them out giving a full 48 hours notice. Unfortunately, the web site crashed twice as I was placing the order, and also “decided” to include a paid-for card when I had not checked the paid card check box. I wrote to them:

 

Hi - your web site has been really bad this evening and has twice forced me to return to the very beginning of the order process. I did NOT want a paid-for card, and although I checked the free card box, it still added a paid for card. Please will you amend this order to include only a free card and not a paid-for card. Thank you.

 

I received a reply from Lily Calyx, Serenata’s Head of Customer Services, saying “Further to your recent contact with us regarding order Q3854996 in which you informed us that you wished to change the products in the order, we wish to inform you that we have organised a refund of £2.99 back to the payment method used when placing the order. Please note that it may take 1-3 days for the refund to show on your statement.

 

“Please do not reply to this email as it has been sent from an unattended email account. To contact us, please login to your account via http://www.serenataflowers.com/login.asp or use our contact form at http://www.serenataflowers.com/contactpage.asp?ticketID=E45EE07C-F0CD-4516-982D-4B9B6D57FA1B.”

 

All well and good, you would think … except that when I clicked on that link above it took me to correspondence between Serenata and another of its customers who was complaining about late delivery. (It’s no use trying to click on that URL now as Serenata removed the page after I complained about their “security”!) So much for their Security and Privacy promise!

 

 

As I hadn’t heard anything from the intended recipient two days after the flowers should have arrived, I decided to check Serenata’s web site, where they have a tracking facility. 

 

 

What’s this? The “parcel” is still in the depot ready for dispatch? I wrote to them immediately:

 

“Just what is going on with your web site? I placed this order to arrive on January 26th but STILL your site [on the 28th] says the order is at the depot awaiting delivery! Please CONFIRM that these flowers were delivered on the date specified and which I paid for. I am in Beijing, China, and have relied on you to carry out this order properly but I have had nothing but problems with your web site. Can you please tell me what time of days these flowers were delivered?”

 

Exactly one hour and 45 minutes later, Franny Cook from Customer Services Admin replied:

I can confirm that your bouquet was delivered on 28/01/13 at 15:05. Please accept our sincere apologies for the late delivery of your flowers on such an important occasion. As the flowers arrived late we would like to offer a 20% discount off of a future order. Simply use the voucher code ’##### [number hidden]’ when you place your next order.

 

Were they trying to be funny? Did they honestly think that I would be using their service again when they had failed to honour their contract the first time around? I wrote back again…

 

This is simply NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!! You failed to deliver on a very important occasion and to expect me EVER to use your abysmal service again just beggars belief! I am absolutely furious. Your web site stated categorically that you would deliver on the 26th. And it took a complaint from me to actually trigger some action from you guys to deliver it at all - two days late! This is absurd. Kindly rebate the 20% off what you have already charged me straight away and stop this nonsense. I am absolutely disgusted!

 

This time Hannah Mills in Customer Service Admin wrote back: “Please be advised, we have recieved (sic) a response from the couriers: Good Afternoon,Thank you for your enquiry. Unfortunately due to the extreme weather we had Friday night, Saturday morning, the driver was unable to deliver this, it has however been delivered today. We do apologise for any frustration and upset caused on this occasion.”

 

Just a moment though… doesn’t their web site state categorically that “we cut out middlemen”? So what are couriers if not middle men?

 

And sure, there had been snow that weekend; but it hadn’t stopped my daughter being able to drive some 200 miles to get there. I wrote back again:

 

You are now adding insult to injury. The fact that my daughter was able to drive all the way from the Midlands to this address for a family reunion on the 26th shows that the roads were passable and your courier company is not telling the truth. Your company entered into a contract to deliver the flowers on the Saturday morning. You failed to do so. Worse still you didn’t even let me know. Neither did any action even start to be taken until after I had contacted you on the Monday afternoon UK time ... it was midnight here in Beijing … asking what was going on. I now repeat - I expect you to make compensation for the embarrassment caused me and the fact that you failed to honour your contract. If I have to escalate this believe me I will do so. Do not fob me off with excuses. I want to know what you now intend to do to bring this miserable episode to a conclusion.

 

Mark Davis, their Customer Service Manager now took up the baton …

Thank you for your email Apologies for any upset or embarrassment caused. As advised by my colleague, this was delivered late due to the bad weather that we experienced and unfortunately this is something that was out of our control. We appreciate that some of the roads in the area we accessable [sic], however some of the roads were very icy and as a result of this the driver was not able to make any deliveries that day. As stated in our terms and conditions, we are unable to offer any form of refund or resend due to the non-delivery as this was out of our control and cannot accept any responsibility for this inconvenience.

 

Yet again, your favourite blogger wrote back…

“When you took my money you confirmed delivery on January 26th. And your web site states categorically "Our Guarantee - the freshest flowers guaranteed delivery on time, every time". It was only on the Monday afternoon AFTER I had complained that your team should get off its collective backside to send out the delivery that you made any effort to deliver, even though I now understand the roads were perfectly clear in the morning. Your website also goes on to say "Our Guarantee - If you are not 100% happy with your Serenata experience, we will offer you a full refund or replacement..." Well I am certainly  NOT 100% happy so please organise a full refund without any further delay.”

 

Note that wording of theirs – not we MIGHT offer… but we WILL offer.

 

 

But this time Faith J wrote back… “We do understand your frustration, however the issue may have been enroute to your recipient that the weather had affected the roads for delivery, rather than the roads near to your recipients address.” Errr… can you say that in English, please, Faith?  “…during adverse weather conditions … we cannot accept responsibility for the late delivery of the order. Therefore, in the event of adverse weather conditions, we aren’t able to refund or offer re-delivery of affected orders.”

 

She also manages to avoid the fact that along with all the other “guarantees” on their web site it states categorically “in the event of non-delivery on the selected delivery date, we will either refund you in full or redeliver your order – it is your choice, just let us know.”

 

So, dear blog readers; where we are at the moment is a stand off with Serenata basically saying “Get lost dear customer. We have your money and you can carry on singing for it.”

 

But those of you who know me well know that I will not give up. I intend to post this account on my Blogger pages which typically get around 300 regular readers every week. I will inform Serenata of the URL so they too can enjoy reading all about themselves.

 

If I get no satisfaction from them, it will then be posted on my main web site which gets around 3,000 visitors every week. Failing that too, it will then get onto Facebook… well, you get the idea…

 

Oh, and dear Serenata customer service agents, you might care to know I am a journalist and I have a track record of embarrassing companies such as yours into starting to give real customer service rather than trying to hide behind the small print (which in the case of your web site you conveniently hide on your Help page).

 

I will of course continue to give you, my blog fans, full up to date coverage of how this develops.

 

Oh, and as of the time of writing, Serenata's tracking service still says that the flowers are in the depot!

 

 

Addendum 1. - 31/01/2013
Five days after the flowers should have arrived and three days after they did arrive, Serenata's web site still lists them as arriving in the local depot ready for dispatch!

Addendum 2. - 31/01/2013
Message from Katie Upton in Customer Service Admin: Dear Brian, Thank you for your email. Unfortunately we are unable to view the link as security setting will not allow us to, if you could please forward your comments to us directly we will do our best to assist you.

Oh what a shame! I will write to them again, this time with the link to both web sites that currently carry this blog entry!

Addendum 3. - 31/01/2013
My reply to Serenata: "What a shame about your security settings. I would suggest that now as well as yesterday's blog entry:
 http://gorgeousbrian.blogspot.com/2013/01/serenata.html
you also try to get in to:
http://www.simbacom.com/brian/blogs/serenata.html

Of course, you could hide once again behind your security settings, but this episode is not going to go away!

In the meantime, as per your web site's advice: "Our Guarantee - If you are not 100% happy with your Serenata experience, we will offer you a full refund or replacement..."
(Please note the wording: not we MIGHT offer… but we WILL offer)
So as you know I am very unhappy with what has gone on, I would now like to claim a full refund for this order. I await your reply.

Addendum 4 - 31/01/2013
One of my blog fans informs me that she was so insensed by this blog that she wrote to Serenata's web site to complain of their poor service! Thanks Suzie. Much appreciated!

Addendum 5 - 01/02/2013
Lily Calyx picked up the baton one final time: "Further to your recent contact with us regarding order Q3854996 in which you informed us that your order was delivered unacceptably late, we wish to inform you that due to the 100% satisfaction guarantee, that we have organised a refund back to the payment method used when placing the order. Please note that it may take 3-5 days for the refund to show on your statement. We would like to take this opportunity to apologise for the poor experience and inconvenience caused."
Bravo Lily! Finally common sense prevails. I won't now be leaving polite messages on your FaceBook page; nor will I be posting comments about you on my FB page either.
Herewith the matter rests!

Oh, and your web tracker still lists the flowers as being in the warehouse ready for dispatch!

BJ’s Metro Improves in Leaps and Bounds

The expansion of Beijing’s subway system continues apace, with the opening at the end of December of yet another four sections of line – and already the benefits can be felt.

 

This is what we had up until a fortnight ago…

 

 

… and this is what the subway now looks like…

 

The best part is the opening of Line 6, which connects the east and west of the capital parallel to Line 1 and is finally giving some relief to that old and very overcrowded line. There’s also a massive extension to Line 10, which will form the capital's second loop line once it is finished; an extension to Line 8, which connects the city centre and the northern suburbs via the Olympic Park; and an extension to Line 9, finally joining it to the rest of the network.

 

For all its faults (and they are many!), the one thing you can say about BJ’s subway system is that it is extremely convenient and very cheap. RMB2 to anywhere in the city (except the airport) – that’s about 20p – and you rarely have to wait for more than 4 minutes for a train. Only trouble is you will rarely if ever get a seat as the carriages are at all times of the day and night (well, they close around 2230-2300, so not actually too late at night!) full to bursting.

 

The Beijing Subway now boasts a network of 15 lines, covering 11 districts, with 221 stations and 442 km of track and it’s now the busiest on the Chinese mainland in terms of passenger volumes, and the largest in terms of operational length. And now with these new extensions, it has become the largest in the world too. Until recently, it had to settle for 4th place, after London, Seoul and Shanghai.

 

By 2015, the number of Beijing subway lines will increase to 19, with a total length of track set to reach 561 km. By the end of 2020 you can expect to see 1,050 km with 30 lines and some 450 stations (think about it – that averages two new lines every year for the next seven years!). The city has invested RMB 260 billion ($42 billion) in building its subway system, and has earmarked a further RMB 100 billion ($16 billion). Where will it all end?

 

Line 8, which was hurriedly opened to take people to the 2008 Olympics, has now been extended, though there are still more stations to be finished. Eventually it will connect the northern suburbs as far south as the National Art Museum, though right now it takes people almost to the Drum and Bell Towers.

 

 

It used to be regarded as just a sub branch of Line 10, and even had Line 10 maps inside the trains with a little spur marked to represent Line 8.

 

 

But not any more. The new Line 8 now has its own green livery and is no longer the runt of Line 10.

 

Line 9, on the other hand, already had its own (light green) livery, but for many months it was totally disconnected to the rest of the subway network. As recently as a month ago I had to take Line 1 to the Military Museum, and then get out and walk for ten minutes to reach the nearest Line 9 station – Beijing West Railway Station.

 

But for a few weeks, work within the National Library station – the end of the line – has been continuing behind a set of railings, piquing everyone’s interest…

 

 

The only trouble is that at the moment the interchange at Military Museum hasn’t been finished in time. This is likely to be extremely heavily used – when it finally opens!

 

 

Line 6 is definitely the new pride and joy of the entire network. Only phase one is open so far – all 30.4 km of it with its 20 underground stations; while the second phase will cover another 12.4 km, with seven stations. Eventually it will be 52 km long and boast 32 stations, with the entire route becoming operational by the end of 2015. Trains can accommodate 1,960 passengers on a single trip, more than can be carried on a single trip on any of the capital's other subway lines.

 

It is also the fastest line on the system, with trains running at a maximum speed of 100 kph, compared to the current highest speed of 80 kph. Right now it takes 48 minutes to travel the whole line. One of the reasons for the speed is that stations are far apart, with the longest distance between two consecutive stations being four kms.

 

 

One of the innovative ideas that Line 6 has introduced is that, along with the little map icon which shows which side of the carriage the doors at the next station will open on…

 

 

…they have gone one stage further and now there is a blue strip light that can be seen by everyone. So what, I hear you asking. Well, if you have ever been in a BJ subway train in the rush hour (ie between the hours of 6am and 10pm!) and tried getting out when you are actually on the wrong side of the carriage, the chances are you will take until the next station down the line to actually make it to the correct doors. OK, so there are announcements to that effect before every station, but how often do you miss the announcement that is specific for you? I think it’s a great idea.

 

 

Of course, right now it’s still so new that you can even get a seat on Line 6, though I doubt this will be so for much longer. Already the overcrowding on Line 1 has been alleviated and as more people migrate to the newer line, it will soon once again be standing room only!

 

 

One thing on Line 6 that is bound to get foreign visitors to the capital reaching for their cameras is a sign stuck onto every platform door advising people to keep away "when the gate skids". Don’t you just love Chinglish!

 

 

Anyway, the “dog’s breakfast” of the past month’s new expansion must surely include the whole of the greatly extended Line 10. It has doubled in length and now nearly encloses the city in a second subway loop (there are still a handful of stations to open).

 

The problem is that there is only so much space within the confines of a map in which to write the names of the stations. It’s OK being able to fill a portrait-style map with the names…

 

 

… but try doing the same with a landscape orientation and you soon start getting into deep trouble. Here the subway planners have done the travelling public no favours when it comes to designing their maps, which are different depending on whether you are travelling clockwise or anti-clockwise.

 

With so many stations, it is bad enough having to locate your home station and chosen destination on the map, without then having to find them again in a different place on your return journey … not that either of these two maps bear any relation whatsoever to the third set of maps inside the trains which are practically impossible to read unless one is immediately underneath them. Didn’t the map designers think of talking to one another at all? I’d award 2/10 for effort – and even that is being generous!

 

 

And as if to rub salt in the wound, some bright spark in the drawing office never thought to get someone to check on his handiwork – with the result that at Sanyuanqiao station you were told that this was an interchange for the “Airpot Express”.

 

 

I say “was”, as a few days later a sticker saying "Airport Express" had then to be stuck over the offending mistake. Think about it - with some 45 stations, each with two platforms, each with some 20 maps all having to be corrected, such carelessness must have cost time, money and effort.

 

 

Not that everything is rotten on Line 10, you understand (it is my “local” line so I do have a soft spot for it!). For instance, four machines have been installed in two subway stations on the line to collect discarded bottles and the idea is that they will pay out credit towards travel passes that everyone uses here.

 

The ATM-like collectors, which have been placed at Jinsong and Shaoyaoju stations, will allow commuters to exchange plastic containers for between 0.1 yuan and 0.05 yuan based on the size of the bottle. The bottles themselves will be crunched to a third of their original size and stored in the machine before being transferred to local factories for further recycling. Under current subway costs, travellers will be able to enjoy a free ride for every 20 bottles they donate.

 

Now, the aforementioned Line 6 crosses line 5 at Dongsi station; and there the station extension has had a number of murals tastefully added.

 

 

Dongsi is the deepest station on the system – a full 34 metres underground. The reason I’m telling you this? Once again, the station wasn’t quite finished in time for the official opening, which means that for the past few weeks, passengers making the interchange have had to walk up, or down, 120 steps to get to the other line. Time, methinks, for another sweet little Chinglish notice to passengers:

 

 

But then, I guess, one of the charms of living in China is the touching faith that the Chinese have in using the likes of Google Translate when they create new signs, and the wonderful examples of Chinglish that are created as a result.

 

This blog would not be complete without mentioning yet another travel story that has been hitting the papers and the blogosphere over the past week. A Beijing Subway representative has warned that peeing in a station could lead to a death sentence. Well, that was one of the headlines I saw; though it was rather stretching the story somewhat.

 

A one-minute video of a man in his 40s, urinating on Line 1 has gone viral. (If you have finished your dinner and have a strong stomach, you could watch it on Shanghaiist or on YouTube. )

 

No one approached him during the whole process and the man left after he finished. A subway representative told the press "We are not empowered to punish the man or fine him because we are not law enforcement officers," adding that although there are signs in the station banning urinating and defecation other than in the public toilets, "we never thought someone would actually do it.”

 

Obviously this representative never surfs the blogosphere since this public urination video was not the first to go viral this past year. The previous month, a video showed a young man urinating out of a public bus window in Xiamen, while in August, another video showed a man on a bus in Chongqing urinating twice before he got off. Neither the passengers nor the bus driver tried to stop him, according to Chongqing’s Economic Times.

 

And there was I a few months back blogging about how disgusting Beijingers are when they spit in the street all the time, as one is forced to meander one’s way over the pavements, trying to avoid the gobs. Yuk. Is China the only place where one would see things like this as a matter of course, I wonder?

 

The subway representative went on to warn that "It's dangerous to urinate on to the tracks. One can get an electric shock and die, because 700 volts run through each of the three subway rails."

 

So maybe, to end with, I could make a suggestion? Perhaps the subway companies should put up notices saying if you have to pee, we would suggest aiming at the middle rail on the track. That might at least make a start, eliminating some of the low life who end up giving China such a bad name!
 

To Cruise, Perchance to Dream...

What could be nicer than spending Christmas in the warmth of the Philippines rather than freezing in sub zero temperatures in Beijing? If ever there is a no-brainer, this has to be it. And this year your favourite blogger has been to Busuanga island in the Calamian group of islands in the north of Palawan province.

 

The main town on Busuanga is Coron, confusingly located facing Coron Island, which is a mere 15 minutes boat ride away. Just in case you forget where you are, there is a Hollywood style notice on one of the hills proclaiming the place to one and all.

 

 

Busuanga Island is the second largest island in the province after Palawan island itself. It’s located about 310 km southwest of Manila and halfway between the islands of Mindoro and Palawan with the South China Sea located to the west. It’s fast developing as a major tourist destination, with scenic island beaches, wreck diving, river cruising in mangrove-laden forests, kayaking, hiking… well you name it. There are numerous islands surrounding it (with more than 1,000 islands in the Calamianes, actually) with white beaches and clear blue waters - perfect for snorkelling or scuba diving.

 

By all accounts, it’s very much quieter than the more (in)famous Boracay, though down by the port there is a short street in which I counted at least four karaoke / videoke bars – including one that caters specifically for senior citizens. Hmmm… I wonder if I would qualify?

 

 

The place is also being discovered by the Chinese and Arabs. In fact there is a new resort development way out of town owned by a Bahraini conglomerate that caters to the latter with halal food and shisha, among other things. As for the Chinese, well I assume the Oriental Lodging House has them in its sites. (And there was I thinking I’d have a few days away from Mao-morabilia.)

 

 

The highest point on the island is Mt. Tapyas – reachable by a 30-minute trek from the town proper, up a staircase of 100 steps (or more, depending on which web site you read – but unfortunately I don’t have the time this trip to actually find out!). At the top is a spacious viewing platform with a giant cross from which you can get spectacular views.

 

 

Despite its relative remoteness, you can get most of life’s essentials on the island from little shops and stalls dotted all over the place, though not surprisingly prices are somewhat higher than in the main conurbations of the Phils.

 

 

In 1902 Coron became registered as a town, officially having its name changed from Peñon de Coron (ie Crag of Coron) to Coron. In 1947, large scale deep sea fishing was introduced and the town experienced a major increase in population. But it still remains a small, quaint fishing town.

 

But for how much longer? In the past decade, there has been a rapid influx of scuba divers and other tourists, making tourism the major industry player in Coron today. And it’s not hard to see why.

 

In September 1944, a fleet of Japanese ships hiding in the harbour were sunk by the US navy. The Japanese had occupied the manganese mines, hence their presence in the natural harbour. As a result, there are twelve well preserved underwater shipwrecks surrounded with coral reef – truly a scuba paradise. Forbes Traveler Magazine lists Coron as one of the top 10 best scuba sites in the world; and nowadays it is one of the most visited destinations for wreck diving in the Philippines. The dive sites are found as shallow as 10-30 feet and as deep as 120-140 feet. Most are in the range of about 60-80 feet.

 

The waters are crystal clear and usually calm, with almost no current. As well as scuba diving, there are excellent snorkelling opportunities, with underwater visibility extending to 80 feet.

 

If you visit the Helldivers Bar – part of the Sea Dive Resort, you won’t be surprised to discover a whole load of memorabilia taken from the sea bed.

 

 

The best way to explore the islands of Coron Bay is with a bangka, or outrigger boat. They come in all sizes but are basically long and thin and the hull is made of marine plywood and painted with a number of coatings of epoxy paint. Normally each has two outriggers made of bamboo (known locally as katig) which act as very efficient stabilisers, and they are fitted with inboard engines.

 

 

First on every island-hopper’s agenda is the island of Coron - a 15 minute boat ride from the town of Coron itself, where dramatic limestone walls tower up out of the water. A reef protects the entrance to coves. Coron Island is home to 7 lakes but only two can be visited.

 

 

The island is undoubtedly the area's primary eco-tour destination for tourists. It’s the ancestral domain of an indigenous tribe called the Tagbanuas who manage the island in a sustainable way and keep outsiders offshore at night. As you berth at Coron, one of the first things you see is a large notice board proclaiming the rights of the Tagbanuas.

 

We have many sacred sites in our domain such as caves, forest, lakes, beach and the territories of the giant octopus, it reads. We regard our sacred sites with reverence and an innate sense of oneness with it. We keep our thoughts, speech and action pure and virtuous within our sacred sites. We are the caretakers of our environment in maintaining the richness and diversity of biological life for the welfare of present and future generations.

 

Within minutes we are greeted by an ape that is no doubt looking for a bit of freebie food. It sits watching us as we pass on by to the main attraction that a number of others have also come along to see…

 

 

As already mentioned, Coron Island has seven lakes, the most famous of which is the nationally-acclaimed “cleanest lake in the Philippines”, recognized as such for the last 5 consecutive years - the Kayangan Lake.

 

Every visitor has to pay 200 pesos (about £3), payable to the indigenous Tagbanua Foundation, to get there; and then climb a tortuous staircase up over a limestone rise, and down the other side.

 

 

The water is warm and slightly brackish, though it still counts as a freshwater lake, albeit that there must be some underwater connections to the outside sea since the fish are abundant, darting across the coral formations.

 

 

But the fish never get very big and with so many visitors to the lake every day they are not in the slightest bit scared off by human activity.

 

 

Another island, “just around the corner” from Coron Island is Cagbatan, better known as CYC Island; and this is where everyone seems to come for a beach picnic. With its pure white sand and blue waters, it’s not hard to see why.

 

 

This is one of the few islands around here where mangroves (known locally as bakawan) dominate the area. Some of the root formations are amazing even if the tops of these trees are somewhat underwhelming in comparison.

 

 

CYC Island is also used by many dive operators as a training site location, due to its shallow sandy shoreline that only tapers off to the depths ever so slowly.

 

It’s just as you would imagine yourself to be starring in some castaway film or TV series. Now, who is that handsome fellow staring out to shore?

 

 

Wake up! Wake up! Uh oh… could this have been a dream all along? No, dear blog reader. This is the Philippines!

Did GBS Ever Visit the Philippines?

 We all know the expression that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach (as well as the rider that the best way to a woman's heart is a man with a sense of humour who will wash the dishes!); which probably means that men in the Philippines must feel truly loved.

 

As George Bernard Shaw wrote: There is no sincerer love than the love of food. If you adore your food, then the Phils is the place for you!

 

Your favourite blogger has just been out there to one of the Calamianes islands, north of Palawan – Busuanga to be specific – where he revelled in one of the seven deadly sins … viz, gluttony!

 

Every day you can find fresh fish on display of every size and shape. Even on Christmas Day when this pic was taken, there was plenty for sale, albeit the market was half empty.

 

 

Naturally the fish market in the town of Coron is slap bang by the harbour. And fish are being continually churned out onto the marble slabs as you stand there, trying to avoid being dripped on by smelly fish water; but the best time to buy fish is, of course, early in the morning.

 

 

In the Philippines fish (or “isda”) come in many varieties. The country's tropical climate and coral reefs make its waters among the richest in marine life anywhere in the world. (According to some estimates 5% of the world's reef area is in Philippine waters and the marine fish in the area represent 20% of the total marine fish in the world.) So if you love seafood, you have definitely come to the right place.

 

Apparently the average Filipino consumes around 100 grams of fish or fish products every day making it the primary source of protein here. One of the best of these fish (not that I have tried that many, you understand!) has to be the “Maya-maya” or Red Snapper. And prepared Filipino style it’s just gorgeous.

 

 

After being scaled and gutted…

 

 

and then having loads of chopped ginger shoved up its innards, it is slowly steamed …

 

While that is going on, a plastic bag of pearl clam is slit open and prepared for fast frying in a wok, while prawns, too, are washed thoroughly and cooked until they turn a lurid red.

 

The Palawan region is meant to be one of the best for finding giant pearl clams, which can produce large white pearls though, of course, these are not as valuable as pearls from oysters or some other molluscs. About 70 percent of the country’s production of pearl comes from Palawan.

 

 

A great tasting vegetable to accompany this meal is a type of seaweed known as Sea grapes because of its shape. It is usually eaten raw (having first been thoroughly washed, of course) and dipped into vinegar into which chilli has been chopped up. Sliced up tomatoes are added to the seaweed to make a salad, while cucumber and raw carrot make up another accompanying dish.

 

Naturally, rice is also one of the staples for the meal which turns out to be really scrummy. Definitely a path has been found to my heart!

 

 

Everywhere you go, you will find fish on the menu. Like on this island hopping day out, relaxing with a beach-munch…

 

 

or in a sea-side café where this huge squid did not die in vain…

 

 

Not sure if the fish can remain fresh for when you are ready to eat it? No worries. There are all manner of dried fish for purchase in the market too – great if you want fish for breakfast, but you don’t have a fridge you can use…

 

 

Of course, fish isn’t the only staple of everyone’s diet here. Fruit is plentiful right across the Philippines – be it the not-so-humble banana which seems to grow almost as a weed in just about everyone’s back garden…

 

 

Or how about a jackfruit tree (which is actually a member of the mulberry family)? Its fruit is the largest tree-borne fruit which can reach as much as 36 kg in weight and grow up to 90 cm long by 50 cm in diameter. Its flavour is not unlike a tart banana.

 

In the Philippines, it is cooked with coconut milk, while in many other parts of South East Asia, the jackfruit is boiled and used in curries as a staple food. You can even eat the seeds by boiling then in salted water for about 25 minutes, after which they have a milky, sweet taste.

 

Apparently when a jackfruit is still green, it is similar in texture to chicken, making it an excellent vegetarian substitute for meat. But I have to admit that the only jackfruit I have ever eaten in the past is straight out of a can where it has been idling its time away lying in a bath of heavy syrup.

 

 

As for mangoes – well, when I used to work in the Middle East it was always rammed into me how the best mangoes in the world were the Alphonso variety that comes from India. Not so, dear Arabs! Come to the Phils and taste these ones! The Carabao Mango (or manggang kalabaw) is in the Guinness Book of World Records as the sweetest in the world. BTW did you know that the mango is closely related to the cashew? (Well, now you do!)

 

In some countries, a mango is peeled with a knife rather like you'd peel an apple. But you can’t do this with a Filipino mango as the flesh is too soft. Instead, Filipinos slice up a mango lengthwise, producing three flat slices. With the outer slices, you either scoop out the flesh with a spoon or make cubes using the "hedgehog" method – ie make a crisscross grid with a knife, turn the flesh out with your hands and then munch your way through the chunks.

 

Filipinos also love eating green, unripe mangoes, dipping thin slices into an anchovy paste, though I have to say I’m not so enamoured of this myself.

 

And here’s another wow-did-you-know-fact: It appears that the Philippines holds the record for the world’s biggest mango at 3.5 kilos.

 

And another one for your trivial pursuit questions… If you set fire every morning to dry leaves under a mango tree, it appears the smoke encourages mango trees to bear more fruit.

 

 

One fruit I have to admit in my ignorance I had never come across before is what is known locally as the Chico, otherwise known as the sapodilla. It ripens relatively quickly and bruises easily so it doesn’t really travel too well which is what I will now use as an excuse for my ignorance.

 

The Chico was introduced into the Philippine archipelago several hundred years ago when the Spaniards brought it along with them on their way to colonise the world.

 

This round, brown fruit is slightly smaller than a kiwi fruit and a little bigger than a golf ball. It tastes a little like a malted kiwi flavoured ice cream and has a distinctive sweet taste. The Chico actually contains so much sugar that people with diabetes are advised to avoid eating it. It also contains Vitamins A, B and C, and minerals such as iron, potassium, calcium, magnesium, phosphorous, selenium, copper and zinc. In other words, it’s pretty darned good for you too! Although the perceived wisdom is that chicos cannot be cooked, the Indonesians and Malays will tell you otherwise, stewing it, as they do, with lime juice or ginger.

 

 

My feeling is that chico halves or quarters would also be great dipped in chocolate, rather as one does in Europe with strawberries.

 

But one thing you must be careful with is the seeds – very easy to remove, but if you eat them by mistake, you could end up with severe abdominal pain and vomiting.

 

Another fact I never knew until today is that a major by-product of the sapodilla tree is the gummy latex called "chicle", containing 15% rubber and 38% resin. For many years it was the chief ingredient in chewing gum. Processing consists of drying, melting, elimination of foreign matter, combining with other gums and resins, sweeteners and flavouring, then rolling into sheets and cutting into bite-sized pieces.

 

Over on the other side of the world, the dried sapodilla latex was chewed by Maya Indians and was introduced into the United States by the famous Mexican General Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana in about 1866. He contacted the American inventor Thomas Adams, and while Adams couldn't get chicle to work as rubber, he had the brilliant idea to turn it into a gum base and launched the chicle-based chewing-gum industry. In 1930, at the peak of production, nearly 14,000,000 lbs (6,363,636 kg) of chicle were imported into the US.

 

 

Whether you’re in to picking your own fruit, or simply buying it in the market, the choice on offer is large and the quality amazingly good.

 

 

And that goes for vegetables too.

 

 

One of my favourite sweets, given to me on this trip was a fruit salad steeped in condensed milk and cream, together with a good dollop of sweet corn. To die for! I simply couldn’t get enough of it, and had to force myself to hold back in order to be seen to be leaving a little for the others!

 

And that’s the thing. The Filipinos are renowned the world over as a very generous people; and it is all too easy to find oneself saying yes to an offer of food before thinking through what comes next.
 

Take the time I was asked if I fancied some chicken for supper. “That would be very nice,” I heard myself saying, just before a passing chicken - which until that moment had been simply strutting about, minding its own business - was grabbed by both legs and had its throat slit before being plucked and thrown into the pot. (I’ll bet it won’t make that same mistake in a hurry, that’s for sure!)

 

Well, you can’t get fresher than that. Later that evening I was given a lecture on the finer points of butchering a pig – to which I can only say I am glad I wasn’t offered pork for that meal!
 

For those of a more squeamish disposition (or who don’t have such careless birds strutting their way around the place) you can always stop at a roadside booth and get your chicken ready cooked…

 

And finally, a word to the wise. Whatever your menu, you can be sure of one thing in the Philippines. Almost everything gets washed down really well by a bottle or two of the local brew – the most famous / popular / strongest of which is Red Horse. There’s nothing on the label to say how strong it is, but believe me … it is one of the strongest beers I have ever tasted. But you’ll just have to take my word on that.