Dubai’s RTA site needs a good kick up the *%^$#@*!, if you ask me

Regular readers of my blog will know that though I think that Dubai has made tremendous advances in its overall passenger transport system in the past couple of years, I am no fan of the Road Transport Authority which runs the service.

I am trying to put myself in the place of the hapless tourists who gullibly swallow the marketing hype of the publicity spinners and book their vacations in this city. How do they cope with getting around – apart from taking taxis to and from every possible location?

This line of thought is especially poignant for me now that I have had to sell my beloved car and travel with the masses using the aforementioned public transport. I decide to do some research to see just how easy it is to get from A to B – bearing in mind the RTA’s slogan of “Moving People” (gad – did someone get paid for thinking up that one; not to mention a subsequent stunner of a one-liner: “Get Around the City at your Convenience”?)

As I have a temporary base in a compound to the south of Ibn Battuta Mall (called Muntaza Compound) I think to myself it could be useful to know how often the local feeder bus route operates so that if I needed to get, say, to the airport, I could let the RTA move me! Ibn Battuta Mall metro station is a mere 18 minute walk away, but in the heat and humidity of Dubai, that is not something to be entertained lightly.

So I log onto the pride of the RTA site – a subsite called Wojhati, or Journey Planner. I tell it that I want to go from Muntaza to the airport. And in no time at all it tells me that I should take a number 99 bus going towards Jebel Ali to reach Ibn Battuta.

Oh dear; we have a problem already. The bus to Jebel Ali has come from Ibn Battuta already. What we actually need is a 99 going towards The Gardens, not Jebel Ali. Zero out of 10 so far! The site also helpfully mentions that the fare to the airport will be AED 4.10 (ie two tier zones). It isn’t. Due to the fact that the bus’s ‘Nol’ electronic fare system is fed by an inaccurately set up GPS system, the overall fare comes in at AED 5.80 – ie three tier zones, where it should only be two.

OK, so I am hardly going to complain at paying 5.80 instead of something approaching 100 in a taxi, but that RTA site still scores a hefty zero in my book. At least it gets the number of the bus right, even if it is going in the opposite direction!

I log on to Dubai Airport’s site – dubaiairportguide.com – and read with interest about the night buses serving the city at half hourly intervals throughout the night. Unfortunately there are no longer any night buses in Dubai – they were discontinued eons ago by the thoughtless bureaucrats who never, it would appear, use public transport themselves.

Those hapless travellers will also need to know that they have to buy “Nol” cards before using any public transport in the emirate. Where to get them though? That is the question faced daily by frustrated visitors. I look up the Dubai Airport site again. Ticket offices are located in the 10 open metro stations, it tells us.

Errrr…. Just a minute. A number of months have now passed since almost all the stations on the red line were (finally) opened – including Airport Terminals 1 and 3. So another zero out of 10 for useful information.

In frustration I eMail the web master of the site – which in fairness has asked for comments from its readers.  Within 16 hours I am sent a reply… “Thank you for contacting Dubai Airport Guide. We aim to reply to all questions or queries as soon as possible and usually within 24 hours. Kind Regards Dubai Airport Guide”

That was three weeks ago. I have stopped holding my breath!

Back to the RTA’s web site for more erudition… But their Dubai bus map is not only of such low resolution that it is almost impossible to read any of the bus routes, but worse, it is of July 2010 vintage – well before the majority of Dubai’s present bus routes were either introduced or changed. Once again zero out of ten.

The metro map is not much better. It may well list the stations on the red line, but calmly tells us that most of these have not yet been opened. Again zero out of ten.

So I turn to the RTA’s very own blog site. “Thank you for your interest in our website,” it purrs. “This page is dedicated to share our experiences related to Dubai bus [no mention of the metro I notice] where we can all share our experiences. Your comments will contribute to this blog’s success.”

I make my contribution, suggesting they update their site. But it turns out the so-called blog is moderated, and again, three weeks later there are no signs of my comments.

I turn to their picture sharing section where I am thrilled to see three pictures of Dubai buses.

 I turn to their video sharing section but as of now no one has thought to share their videos of Dubai’s buses. Shame!

Devastated not to be able to enjoy a video of a Dubai bus, I turn to the rules and regulations section and discover that under the rules of the Metro, one is not allowed to distract the driver while the train is in motion. An interesting thought indeed, given that Dubai is so proud of its driverless trains!

But friendly to the last, the site tells us that the following fines have been put in place to ensure you have a great experience on the metro. Try telling that to the very many tourists who are regularly hauled off the trains for such heinous crimes as drinking water from a bottle, or just chewing gum. I’m not sure they would really describe their experience as a great one.

But looking on the bright side, it also tells us that we must not throw any litter or spit through windows. So that comes as a great relief for all of us.
So, dear tourists – don’t say you have not been warned. Oh, and by the way, you will also most likely have read on numerous web sites that the UAE is famed for its Arab hospitality. But hey – who believes what one reads on the web anyway?

Sorry RTA – you still score zero in my book for your abysmal web and your even more abysmal ‘blog’. But think positive – at least we can all be assured that it can only get better from here on in!

Addendum

It appears that it is not only the RTA's web site that is in urgent need of attention, if the signs at Ibn Battuta Metro station are anything to go by. Want to buy a ticket during the rush hour? Too bad if you want to use the automatic machine...

It is "temporarily out of order". But never mind, we can always go to the ticket office...

Oh shucks... it is closed. But no matter - there are two ticket office booths:

Whoops. There is no one manning the ticket office during the rush hour. But hey, we can always queue up for 15 minutes to buy our tickets at the Information booth opposite.
Want to let your nearest and dearest know you are gonna be a little late due to lack of facilities at the station? Too bad if you haven't got a mobile phone...

But first you have to find any other booths with a working phone (sounds a bit like London's phone boxes doesn't it!). In Ibn Battuta, there are 11 phone stations with no installed phones!
Frustrated with the station facilities and just want to get out - perhaps across the road using the footbridge? Huh! Think again! The station has only been open for some eight months - hardly enough time for the powers that be to get their escalators working, surely?

So admit it! Now you are thoroughly pee'd off? Sorry again. The loo is closed for maintenance...

Else just in case you didn't get the message, your convenience is out of service. Sorry for the inconvenience! :))

Of course this is always assuming you can get INTO Ibn Battuta station in the first place!

Oh, and BTW - is there anyone out there who can explain to me why it costs 1.80 dirhams to go from Ibn Battuta to Muntaza, but 4.10 to go from Muntaza to Ibn Battuta?

Addendum 2

OK, so maybe the powers that be read this blog? Two days after it is posted, I go along to the bus stop at Muntaza and wait for the 99.... and wait.... and wait.... and let me tell you that waiting in 45 degrees for a bus that never comes is not the nicest experience.

Eventually I hail a passing taxi and take it to Ibn Battuta (10Dhs rather than the 4.10 I was complaining about).

I then ring up the RTA's "Help Line" to enquire what has happened to today's 99. Oh hello, Mr Brian, a girl called Sarah answers. Thinks: how does she know who I am? It must have been from when I last rang up the RTA some two years ago. Obviously at least one of their computers works in this place!

I am informed that the 99 bus has been withdrawn from circulation. No announcements on the bus; no notices on the bus stops; just withdrawn. One day it is there. The next day it is not.

I ask why no one in the RTA thinks it is important to let the passengers standing sweltering in the sun know that the bus they are waiting for no longer exists. Not surprisingly Sarah has no answer.

But actually the answer is perfectly clear. It is yet another example of RTA's philosophy of Fuck the Customer - We have a monopoly so see if we care!

Customer service? Oh please - don't make me weep!

Selling my baby - Dubai-style

I can’t imagine how I could have been so worried. I mean, I had four days left until my car insurance ran out. OK, so my car registration had expired and so technically speaking I was driving illegally, but that is par for the course in the Emirates, and only attracts a fine of 50 dirhams – or less than $14.

With no residence visa any longer in my passport, I was not able to renew the registration, so my poor baby would have to go.

My alarm went off at 8am. And it was the weekend! That’s how anxious I was. Before I even went to make myself some breakfast I thought I’d post an advert up for my poor baby; then I’d down some cornflakes and coffee, before cleaning her paintwork and readying her to take her over to the Mall of the Emirates where I would put her on display near the RTA car registration compound. 

It didn’t quite work like that.

Everyone who is anyone in the UAE knows that the way to sell things is to put adverts up on dubizzle.com and souq.com. Both web sites advertise for free, presumably to attract visitors in order to attract advertising.

At 8.45 I signed in to dubizzle and entered the vital statistics. Well, that is to say, I entered the information I knew. It asked how many cylinders the engine had and how many horsepower. As if I had ever checked! Sheepishly I ticked the ‘unknown’ boxes, determining to go and check on how many cylinders it had after breakfast.

I hit the ‘publish’ button and then entered the URL for souq.com. But before I had time even to enter the type of car on this second site, my phone started to ring. Have you sold the car yet? I want to buy it. Please take the advert offline and I will meet you in half an hour at the RTA.

Well, that wasn’t bad I thought! In fact how lucky was that timing? The caller sounded anxious to get it all done as soon as possible, and rather than lose a potential customer for the car I agreed to meet him, without even having any breakfast to send me on my way.

At 8.49 I took the advert offline as requested. That meant that it was online for four minutes. And my phone just rang solidly for the next three hours with everyone in Dubai seemingly wanting to buy my little beauty.

I hadn’t even removed all my junk from the inside of the car; hadn’t got round to washing it (there were sand streaks all over and it had a filthy windscreen); I hadn’t dug out my car registration documents or the maintenance record; or anything.

But I managed to get to the RTA at 9.15 and drove the car straight into the test bay area where I was met by Abdul. It was only at that point that I realised I had picked up the wrong file – my insurance file rather than the maintenance file. It doesn’t matter, he said. I’ll still take it.

Would he try to beat me down on the price? No. It appeared his word was his bond. He told me that he was a dealer and that he intended to export the car; as long as it passed its test, he would buy it.

At 9.27 the car was given a clean bill of health. Abdul had a word with one of the Emiratis behind the desk – I could see they knew each other well – and he told me that apart from my 50Dhs fine for late re-registration, I had no fines outstanding.

At 9.29 I was following him down Sheikh Zayed Road in the direction of Karama where we would ‘do the deal’. He drove a beat-up Nissan Tiida while I struggled to follow him as he skipped from lane to lane. We arrived in Karama at 9.45, parked the car in a lock-up garage and then I got into his car.

With no further questions asked, he started counting out a pile of 500Dhs notes, which I gratefully stuffed into my trouser pocket. (I thought of that well-worn joke… Female-to-male: Are you pleased to see me, or is that just a pile of 500Dhs notes in your pocket?)

We took off again in his car to another area in Karama and pulled in to a lay-by which was clearly marked Drop Off Zone Only. We parked and walked into a building where an Emirati was surrounded by piles of cash, piles of car registration documents and piles of Salik top-up cards.

It was here that I finally understood why the phone calls had almost all come from Pakistani-sounding voices. The Emirati obviously had a network of these people to scour the web sites for people about to sell their cars, jump in fast with an offer and then ship the cars out to Europe to make a quick killing. Abdul had already admitted that it didn’t really matter what type of car it was; they were always interested.

At 10.15 the paperwork was all completed, Abdul ‘generously’ said he would deal with the late registration fine and with a shake of the hand, I was out of the door and heading to the metro station. Just 90 minutes after first placing the advert!

An hour and a quarter later I was able to dig in to my cornflakes and coffee and outside in the street was an empty space where my poor beloved baby had been sunning herself for the past few weeks.

My poor baby. We had been through thick and thin together over the last three years. And now I would have to rely on the public transport system – at least until such time as I either got a new residence visa or left the country for pastures new.

Oh, and as a final postscript, I didn’t get asked by a single female on the way home whether I was pleased to see her. I guess that sums up my life right now!

Addendum:

I am grateful to my friend Irene for sending me the following pictures - it reminds me that one can cope perfectly well getting the shopping home without the need for a car...

oh, OK - maybe I don't normally go to Carrefour to bring home the bacon...

... but vegetables - well that's a different matter...

And of course, if I were to get lucky, the journey home could be quite fun as well...

Dubai's Metro-Madness

I find myself screaming at the radio more and more these days. I know I shouldn’t; I know it does no good; I know the radio can’t hear me; but it gets the frustration out of my system – sometimes.

Take this morning. I was driving along the road to Abu Dhabi and as the BBC World Service doesn’t start up here until 9am local time, I tuned instead to Dubai Eye Business Breakfast. Quite often they have some interesting interviews; but not, it has to be said, when they get a government spokesperson on.

This morning, though there was BIG NEWS from the RTA – Dubai’s Road and Transport Authority. Could I contain my excitement? A spokesman was going to be interviewed from an actual Metro train. He was traveling with the entourage of the RTA’s Chairman, and Executive Director Matar Al Tayer. And the big news was…..??? That His Excellency was actually travelling on a metro train. It was totally unannounced. A spur of the moment decision. He was going to travel on the metro that he was responsible for running. And as if this wasn’t enough, he was even planning to go on a bus and a water taxi in the next week or two as well. I mean…. Wow!!!

So we listeners were obviously lucky that by some quirk of fate Dubai Eye had learned of this amazing visit and had had the presence of mind to arrange an interview with the RTA’s PR spokesman.

Cynical? Moi? Oh common!!! This is the UAE for heaven’s sake. That the actual guy who makes the decisions regarding this little train should actually travel on it is amazing enough. That he is just short of royalty makes it a double whammy.

Unfortunately, this being the UAE, the presenters didn’t think to ask some of the more obvious questions that might spring to mind by the average Metro user in Dubai. Why, for instance, is the Metro closed on Friday mornings until 2pm – when those who would use it more than anyone else are the very people who have Friday mornings off. Could it be that as Emiratis sleep in late on Fridays, they assume everyone else will too, and no one has had the temerity to point this out?

Why for that matter have they just killed off the night buses running from the airport? The official answer I was given when ringing the RTA’s hot line the other day was that now there is a Metro, the buses are no longer needed. Except for one little matter – that the trains stop running just after 10pm, not to start again until 6 in the morning. And as the majority of flights arriving in Dubai do so during the night, that means that apart from taxis, one is expected to wait throughout the night for a bus??? The RTA operator asked if I would wait a second while he checked the time of the last train. And that in itself gives one cause for concern, since there is only the one line. You'd think he might know that little fact by now...

What the toadying sycophants on the radio DID point out, however, was that they now allow passengers to take suitcases on the metro when they are going to the airport – something they had banned for a good few months while they considered the pros and cons. “We thought about this long and hard,” the spokesman said, “but eventually realised that some passengers might find this a useful facility if they were allowed to take them on.” Presumably, that is, assuming they don’t arrive between 10pm and 6am.

The fact that those who make the decisions never seem to use the city’s transport system might also account for the fact that there appear to be almost no signs whatsoever to inform passengers arriving in Dubai how they can get from the airport to their destinations. Is it assumed all passengers will use the absurdly overpriced taxis? Before you even leave the airport, there is a flag fee of 20 dirhams ($6) added before you set off. (A word to the wise – if you use the long term car park bridge, you can hail a taxi from the other side of the street for 20Dhs less!)

The RTA did a sterling job in recognising that Dubai had a severe traffic problem, so they set about planning four metro lines and a plethora of new bus routes. OK, so the Red metro line still isn’t complete nine months after it was due, whilst the Green line will not be ready now until next year and work on the other lines has ground to a total halt. Never mind the idiots like me who planned their accommodation on the basis of being able to use the new metro line only to find you cannot rely on the promises of a government spokesman as to when that station will actually open.

As Orwell’s Napoleon in Animal Farm remarked, All animals are equal; but some animals are more equal than others. So maybe I’m being a bit harsh actually expecting the decision makers to use their own bloody railway. But maybe – just maybe – the experience might open someone’s eyes as to what real people are being asked to put up with. Oh tush…. Who am I kidding?